OK Here we go again.....

As you may have noticed... I haven't written in so long I couldn't remember how to sign in at first.

Even though that is very very sad... I do have to say I haven't been doing nothing all this time. Close to it but not nothing. I started slowly working out again about a Month ago and didn't write because I didn't want to jinx myself.

But I figure I did this for a reason... shame. It was a shame to be such a bum for the last couple months and I should have been writing to get the full extent of shame out there. So I could re-motivate myself into something, anything.

Yesterday I started P90X. We aren't going to follow that meal plan that came with the program, we are just going to control portions eat right, and graise more to keep that metabolism up throughout the day. What I did learn reading through the meal plan was that protein, and egg whites are my friends. And if those before pictures weren't a wake up call I don't know what is, I had a way better self image in my head then the actual...... very embarrassing thinking that even thought I'm big I'm hot... then seeing the definite proof otherwise. Maybe If I have really really good result I'll share these bad boys... but they made me cry so don't count your chickens too hard.

Round 1, Day 1 Lean Program. Core Synergistics. My husband Josh and I are doing it together and are hoping that working together will also help with the motivation. The first day kicked our butts, we didn't think we were that unfit... Well I guess I knew but never admitted it. I felt like that hour of working was "how many ways can we do push-ups before Jess pukes" time. I didn't puke.... Josh almost did. I don't think our form was correct for even one of the darn moves, but we didn't even up and just did the best we could. I didn't stop early on the times for anything either just kept doing even if I was way behind the cues on speed. They keep saying just give all you can and don't give up, that's what I did.

After working out we cleaned up and headed out for Easter dinner at the in-laws. Instead of putting out chips and dip as munchies, Michelle only had fresh veg out so that was a major help. Dinner was a little more rough, even taking only a tiny bit of each thing is tooo much. But at least alot of it was vegetables, not all carbs. I did have some baked mac and cheese and pineapple stuffing though, I just couldn't resist. Then I passed out watching baseball. I didn't even know I was asleep until I woke up and everyone had gone outside to play wiffle ball. When we got home I felt awful for eating to much so Josh, Davie and I went for a long walk to burn at least some of those dead calories away.

This morning I am soooo sore. Not as much as I thought though, I was thinking I would be able to get out of bed but I did. But my arms and abs and back are definitely wondering what the heck is going on.

Well the energy that I have from the endorphins is definitely gonna help me get this party going, in about a week when I'm into a good routine with P90X I'm gonna add a run after each workout. I will get to my 5K goal by September. I will run in the Swedesboro Day Dragon run, even if its the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me. I can't keep making empty goals.

Hit a wall.

You may be thinking its a bit soon but give me some credit.. oy vey..

I ran two more times after I last posted, the last time was Sat the 10th morning... we woke up really early and ran before doing a pumpkin picking with Davie. Then we were gonna run late on Sunday to get back in the Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday schedule. But Sunday morning we rearranged our living room furniture and I pulled a muscle in my right leg, so I was gonna wait till that felt a little better to run, and Wednesday I felt like I was ready to give it a try on Thursday.... Well then then rains began... It started Thursday and didn't stop till Sunday morning.. During which time I have caught the worst Sinus infection I have had in years. So..... needless to say since I can't breathe I'm not gonna run.

So until then I probably wont write much either cause when I'm sick I don't want to do anything.

And when that does happen I think I'm Gonna start over with Week 1 to make sure I don't push too hard to fast after being sick... so that's no fun.

So until then I'll have to just watch my food and be as good as I can.

WHHHYYY GOD WHYYY!!!

OK so today was going soooo well. Then I walked back into the kitchen to refill my water. I there was at least 5 trays of baked goods.... 5 full trays... I ate four 1/2 pieces... so together 2 whole pieces of junk.... I swear what the heck, in the 3 years I've worked here there has never been that much junk in the kitchen.. and as soon as I decide to diet the kitchen fills with cake.

I was SO upset I took a picture. This is after about 1/2 hour so a huge amount is already gone. The people at my work are vultures.

I have commissioned a friend of mine here at work to fill my water bottle for the rest of the day... I know I have to learn will power but its too soon to flaunts baked goods. I'm not that strong yet.

Thank God I have a run tonight.... I'll have to double it.

The talk of shame...

Well I haven't written since Friday.... Because I was very very bad this weekend.

As I mentioned, I had a wedding to go to Friday night and I was doing pretty good. Didn't go too crazy on dinner. But as the night went on I definitely went crazy on the drinks... and as I drank the less I cared about my diet and then I went way way way over board on the dessert. I think I had like 3 pieces of cake.... one chocolate, one wedding, 1/2 a cheesecake, and 1/2 a lemon thing I didn't like.... It was bad news bears. Not to mention the open bar that gave me enough drinks that I don't remember how many there were...

But as I've said in the past when I'm bad the food/drink gets its revenge. This time it was a headache the next day that made me swear of booze for a while. And it worked! For how long is another question. So Saturday Josh and I had tickets for the Phillies ( woo hoo Lets go Fight'ns!) in the suite. We brought along Josh's mom, and my nephew Isaiah. It was a good time over all. But since I was still feeling the night before I was over compensating with the carbs... Not good.... I ate a pretty good amount of junk... But I didn't even want to touch a beer.

So on for more revenge. Sunday I was riding high. Had multi-grain cheerios for breakfast.

Then Josh and I started the 4 hour long quest for Davies Halloween costume. He's gonna be Super WHY! a cute little cartoon kid that saves the day by reading... well Super Why wear green pants. Its alot harder then you would think to find bright green pants! What happened to the mounds of hanes color coordinating sweat suits that I was forced into as a child.. I swear I even had a head to toe green sweat suit... that's all I wanted!!! So after like 7 stores we finally had most of what we needed for the costume, and spent probably 30 bucks on it. Too bad before we started shopping I mentioned to Josh we could buy a Super Why costume online for cheap.. and funny enough I just looked online and the Super Why costume is available at Target for 27 dollars..... Target was the final store of the 7... we could have saved all that time. But Davie will have a home put together costume so it will be special...

After that we went home for lunch and relaxation... I had a normal size serving of left over spaghetti... And laid down to relax a little before going for our run... Well as the day went on my head started pounding more and more and more... then my stomach felt a little off too. By 5 o'clock I didn't want to move- full on migraine. It continued until mid morning Monday... so needless to say I missed my run on Sunday... and because I didn't feel well we ordered dinner in.... and I had a buffalo chicken wrap....

So my weekend probably consisted of about 9 pounds of food.

Yesterday not too bad.. Eggs for breakfast ( you will notice I have 2 eggs for breakfast everyday. because I don't bring lunch to work and the protein from the eggs will get me through till I get home most days), then an asparagus thingy for lunch, and one slice of left over pizza for dinner. Then Josh and I went for our run, and I ran extra to make up a little for being so bad.

Reading through this I notice that I very rarely mention vegetables... I do eat them but I don't talk about them because they aren't the bad stuff that I'm ashamed of.

So today I have to run again to get back on Schedule, and its the next week in the program. Now its 1:30 run, 45 sec walk, rinse, repeat for 30 minutes. So its gonna actually start to do something. I know this still sounds easy to most but honestly I want to follow the program and not just go out and run as long as i can then collapse, I'm using this as a way to build my endurance for distance not sprints. I want to be a real runner some day... like marathon runner. Not just someone who can run. So interval training is the best to get me there.

OHHH OHHH and a Huge Huge congrats to my friend Christa who ran her first 5K on Sunday!!!! Way to go, add one more person to my list of inspiring runners!

OK babbled enough. later.

There's good news, and bad news, and common sense.

OK lets start with the bad news.

So two nights ago... so Wednesday night. Josh and I went to see a house with a realtor on a whim. It was the worst house ever.... vagrants, and break ins, and sheriffs sale ...OH MY! So needless to say we didn't like the house. But we didn't get home till really late and Davie had already eaten at Josh's parents house. So we ordered Pizza with Hot Cherry peppers and 1/2 Sausage..... SOOO good. One piece wouldn't have been that big a deal... but by 3 and my stomach was trying to escape I knew that I had really messed up....

But the Pizza got its revenge... my stomach has hurt since then... think its all the hot peppers.

On to the good news.

Yesterday I was a good girl about food. Two eggs for breakfast, a grilled asparagus sandwich for lunch, and a correct portion of spaghetti for dinner... YUM YUM . Then after dinner Josh and I geared up for our run.

It was quite chilly last night so we bundled Davie up good. I used my Ipod touch (which my mom so kindly gave me) and can be played through an internal speaker so that Davie got to hear music as we ran too. I did note that running in the cold isn't fun because it really hurt your lungs.... maybe I don't breathe right... but if anyone knows how to fix this tell me. So I hope this doesn't become one of my excuses down the road.....

But after the run I felt accomplished and continued to walk with Davie around the park for about 20 minutes. So it was a great effort over all.

Now the Common Sense.

Put this in your book of things not to do before running...
DON'T EAT A SPAGHETTI DINNER WITH A GLASS OF MILK THEN RUN!

I didn't get sick but it was definitely like the Office episode when Micheal carbo loads with Fettuccine Alfredo right before running and has fettuccine mouth the whole time.. Not fun..

Today still doing good food wise.
2 eggs breakfast & a 100 calorie pack of whole grain fig newtons.
A slim fast meal bar, non-fat yogurt, and diet coke for lunch...

Though the killer is gonna be tonight.. we have a wedding to go to.
Free Food... Free Drinks... I cant resist. Its gonna be calorie city. Then Tomorrow we have a baseball game in the Box.... meaning more Free Food and more Free Drinks. I think this is god's funny joke... Jess started another Diet lets wave all this tempting goodness in front of her.

So I think I'm going to try and only have 2 drinks tonight, not eat during cocktail hour, and eat a half portion of dinner... Go in with a plan come out fairing better then just giving up for the night.

While I'm here does anyone have any hints on what I should eat.... I'm SO terrified of food whenever I diet that I end up going into the store and not buying anything because I get freaked out... so I start living on water and 100 calorie packs lol.. I mean I know to eat healthy stuff but most of the time for lunch I just grab something easy and I cook easy because I get home so late and have to cook quick for Davie.

That's is for one more post I'll let you know how the wedding and baseball challenges go.

So Far, So Good....

So last week I downloaded a mp3 series called 4 weeks to a mile from PersonalRunningTrainer.com. I hadn't gotten a chance to use it yet because of procrastination, but last night Josh and I headed over to Locke Ave park, where they have a running path. We have always had a running stroller but never used... at least not for what its meant for.

I loaded the program on my Ipod.. and away we go. The program is really just interval training set to music with a guy telling you when to start and stop running and what pace to use. Along with a warm up and cool down. Each week it gets steadily more difficult and further distance wise. Its not really neccessary but I like having someone tell me when to start and stop running becuase looking at a watch to time the intervals was annoying.

So with Davie in the Stroller and my ipod at hand, we started running. The intervals for the first week are 45 seconds run, then walk 2 minutes, and repeat for a set amount of time. After finishing it I really felt like I could go a lot farther because I'm not that out of shape yet... But i want to follow the program so not to rush my muscles into something they haven't done in a while. I can't wait till I get into the 5k training, then 10, then 1/2 marathon... but for now I'll start very slow.

I had eaten a small portion of pasta with spinach and some sort of sauce before leaving the house but after gettin back from my run I was ravenous... normally I would give in and eat until full. This time I said no... and I didn't eat.

Ok thats a lie.. I had exactly a 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream which the carton said was 100 Calories. Then I drank a lot of water and went to bed.

This morning I didn't feel as sore as I thought, which is a good feeling.. but at the same time doesn't that mean that I didnt work hard enough. Well hopefully the next couple weeks get me workin harder.

Starting from Scratch....

Hmm... Where do I start.

Let me tell you about me. My Name is Jessica. I am 26 and I spend my life thinking about becoming fit. Thinking about it but not doing it.

I have been fat since the day I hit puberty. I noticed right away that I couldn't eat whatever I wanted anymore, but I didn't care. I love food. I love everything about it. So I decided that love was more important then weight and kept on eating. But eating alone wasn't the issue I hated exercising, and for the most part still do. I hated it then because I thought it wasn't fun; I hate it now because I don't do it.

But I have to start. I had a baby boy in January '08 and I want to make sure he has fun. And with me not wanting to do anything active how fun is that?

Soo marrying into a family where every member (except my husband and I) of it is a running or sport god, I have the tools all around me to succeed. My Mother and Father in-laws run constantly and win every race they get there hands on in their age groups. My Brother in law and (soon to be) Sister in law are part of a recreational running club, and win races for overall and in their age class on a weekly basis. I'm not talking just 5Ks, I'm talking 10 milers and half marathons as well. These people live to run! My other Sister in law went to school on soccer scholarship... And I have a cousin who is getting certified as a running coach and does triathalons....so again, these people know how it's done.

So what went wrong with my husband, Josh? I blame me... when I met the boy I could blow him over with a strong breeze. He played hockey, and basketball, and ran hurtles, and roller bladed constantly. Then I introduced him to my True Love: food. Before me, he lived at home and only ate the healthy stuff his mom gave him... I showed him: Thai, Moroccan, Japanese, French, and every nook in between kind of cuisine. And within 5 years I created a nice squishy pillow.

Ok back to me. I have been trying to lose weight seriously for the past couple years. I even hired a personal trainer. But then I got pregnant, and after having Davie I just didn't get back on the horse. This past January I bought a new horse- the wii fit. And I joined the WW. And started working out like crazy. And I lost about 35 pounds!!! Then Baseball season got into full swing, and summer BBQs started popping up. So like any not-so-rational person does, I said to heck with this and gained it all back. Not the best course of action but that's how it happened.

Now onto the reason for starting this blog--------

Terror. I started a running regimen that has me running about every other day, and I'm trying to fix my diet up as well. But I got to thinking- I've done this a thousand times and I always fail.
WHAT WILL MAKE ME MORE MOTIVATED NOT TO FAIL? Terror.. I'm terrified that if i put my story out there and am completely honest about how good or bad I'm doing, that it will be the most mortifying things to ever happen to me if i fail. So thats what I'm doing... writing as often as I can about successes and failures. And all the crazy stuff in the middle.

So that's my intro. I'll go more into my running regimen and food plan in my next post. Later.